I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
