if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
