i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize