I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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