I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
