I think I died a long time ago.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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