my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
