I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
