1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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