i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize