Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
