May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
