We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
