omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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