I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize