you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
