how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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