I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
