I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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