my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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