I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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