I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize