There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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