I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
