I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
