I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
