Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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