Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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