Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
