i think i have two assholes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
