my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
