Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
