Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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