There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
