Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
