I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
