literally had 100 drinks last night.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
