At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
