Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
