Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
