hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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