there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
