I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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