What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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