Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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