Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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