you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize