Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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