its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
