I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
