Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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