he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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