# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
