just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
