Your mouth is God's brothel.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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