Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
false alarm, still single
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
