You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
