so that wasnt chicken after all
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
