i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
