My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
