I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I want a musical about memes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
