I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why are your pants in the freezer?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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