Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
