I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
