You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
