so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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