I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
