she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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