Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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