your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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