the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize