ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
