It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
