Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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