I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
