He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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