biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
