hotel room ftw
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
