i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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