Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
