I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
