one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize