Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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