I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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