R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
