Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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