You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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