saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
