Well douche your snatch and let's go!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
