He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize