He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
