You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I sprained my soul last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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