I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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