apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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