just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize