i may or may not be watching the land before time
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
