we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
