Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
