I can text with my tongue
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize