I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come share oat with me in your robe
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
