Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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