Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
