I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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