So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
