I feel like abortions should bother me more
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
