i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize