I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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