this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
