she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize