Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
