Yo dont text me then not text me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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