Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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