I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
